Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever
Michael Bungay Stanier
Do you manage people? If so, then you should manage to get a copy of The Coaching Habit from Michael Bungay Stanier (MBS). To be clear, the book is written with the intent to help managers and leaders develop their coaching skills. However, the majority of the techniques are applicable either directly or with some small variation for just about anyone. So, although it is written from a corporate management perspective, the simple skills and wisdom within this book are those that could also be used by parents, teachers, and many others playing supportive roles. In fact, my “Key Takeaway” involves nobody other than myself as I am applying a lesson from the book as a self-coaching technique.
MBS takes you through 7 core questions within the book. For each question he outlines the psychology behind the question, provides research backing the psychology, and provides real-world examples of the questions in use. Of note: he demonstrates the questions used alone and in combination with the others. In addition, the author also shares some helpful tips and psychology as it pertains to forming habits. This discussion on habits is a precursor to a section at the end of each chapter. Here, he provides journal prompts to help the reader create their “Coaching Habit”, by aligning triggers/cues with which to bind each question with
One of the seven questions tackles the idea that whenever we say “yes”, we are in fact, also saying “no”. We are saying “no” to all the things we will not do as a result of the thing we are doing. It is often stated, “you can do anything in your lifetime”. I believe there is a lot of truth in this statement. However, once again it is what is omitted that I find most interesting. I can do anything, but can I do everything? Certainly not at the same time! When I say “yes” to “any thing”, I am also saying “no” to “every thing” else… maybe not forever, but at least for the moment and the time that I am committing to what I have said “yes” to.
When considering my schedule, before accepting a proposed meeting or other offer requiring my time, even if I have nothing else scheduled, taking the time to reflect and ask myself, “how else could you use this time if you keep it available?” will help me to live more intently and in accordance with my values.
The essence of coaching lies in helping others and unlocking their potential. Michael Bungay Stanier : The Coaching Habit
Coaching can fuel the courage to step out beyond the comfortable and familiar Michael Bungay Stanier : The Coaching Habit
(...) think less about what your habit can do for you, and more about how this new habit will help a person or people you care about. Michael Bungay Stanier : The Coaching Habit
Resilient systems build in fail-safes so that when something breaks down, the next step to recover is obvious. Michael Bungay Stanier : The Coaching Habit
An almost fail-safe way to start a chat that quickly turns into a real conversation is the question, “What’s on your mind?” Michael Bungay Stanier : The Coaching Habit
If you know what question to ask, get to the point and ask it? Michael Bungay Stanier : The Coaching Habit
(...) the first answer someone gives you is almost never the only answer, and it’s rarely the best answer. Michael Bungay Stanier : The Coaching Habit
Adding “for you” to a question helps people figure out the answers faster and more accurately. Michael Bungay Stanier : The Coaching Habit
(...) recognizing the need gives you a better understanding of how you might best address the want. Michael Bungay Stanier : The Coaching Habit
(...) once you see the destination, the journey often becomes clearer. Michael Bungay Stanier : The Coaching Habit
If you are saying yes to this, what are you saying no to? Michael Bungay Stanier : The Coaching Habit
A Yes is nothing without the No that gives it boundaries and form. Michael Bungay Stanier : The Coaching Habit
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