Habits They Aren't The Results We're After

It’s Exciting To Set and Pursue Goals

When it comes to setting goals and visualizing what it will feel like when we accomplish a goal… that’s exciting!  When it comes to making progress towards a worthwhile goal… that’s exciting!

Notice I never said “completing a goal is exciting”?  That’s because it isn’t.  If you have any excitement after completing a goal, it’s excitement towards the next thing.  Its excitement towards a new opportunity that may not have existed prior to completion of your formal goal.  For example, after completing a degree or certification, you may be excited about seeking employment in your field of study.  In fact, although you may not formalize the goal and make it a SMART goal, you do indeed have a new goal, that is, “to get hired”.  

Sure, you may celebrate and throw a party in honor of your accomplishment, of which the anticipation of will be exciting and the event itself may be joyous… but we are no longer talking about the goal you have accomplished.  That goal is no longer exciting, that goal is complete!  And whatever “excitement” we have, is for the next thing. 

Habits Aren’t The Result We’re After

Whether we are seeking to form a new habit or break an old one, there is a greater motivation behind our change in behavior.  That motivation is the result!  Of which, at a minimum, is once again an informal goal.  In other words, you don’t really want the habit, you want what the adoption of the habit will yield.  

For example: You don’t really want to wake up earlier for the sake of waking up earlier.  You want to wake up earlier so that you can utilize the additional time that behavior will afford you. Going further, you may form habits of exercising, journaling, and reading each morning during this new found time.  However, It’s not exercising, journaling, or reading that you are truly aiming for.  None of those are the endgame.  There is something larger you are looking to achieve with your repeated action… that is the result you are after.

Habits Are Often Disconnected From The Goal.

So, why aren’t habits exciting? Because they don’t actually represent the thing that we are pursuing!  They are often disconnected from the thing that we are pursuing.  They are the “work”, not the paycheck.  The paycheck is the result of the work.  As such, adoption of a new habit or the willingness to perform a particular habit may be elusive.  After all, you are performing an action without a strong connection to Why you are doing it in the first place.  

Consider the paycheck scenario a little deeper.  Take a moment and consider a task at your current job that needs to get done, but you don’t absolutely enjoy.  While you perform that task, are you thinking about how you will get paid to do it?  Probably not, if you are like most people, you will simply lament on your current situation and not connect this small action to a bigger picture… a much bigger picture.

The Bigger Picture Is “Why”

Your goal is not your “Why”, your “Why” is much bigger than your goal.  Your “Why” is derived from the value(s) that your goal aligns to.  For example, high ranking in your core values may be family and security.  As such, the reason you sacrifice long hours is to provide for your family and create security for your future.  If your current job does not afford for you to both support your family in the present and allow you to save and create financial security for the future, then you find yourself in a job that is not inline with your values (remember that our example core values were family and security).  Before you go thinking that getting a higher paying job is the simple solution in our scenario, let’s add a few more values such as creativity, connection, and integrity.  There may be other opportunities to make more money, but the true aim should be to seek an opportunity that can meet all of your values.  

Maybe you’re not currently qualified for a role that would check all of the boxes.  Maybe you will need to get a new certification, or gather more experience.  Maybe you will have to wake up earlier in order to study before your workday begins and other family responsibilities come into play.  Maybe you will need to make that a habit!  That’s right, we are back to habits.  Remember that this was an article about habits.

Connect Your Habit To A “Why”

So, we are back to our habits and we acknowledge that in and of themselves they aren’t exciting and they probably never will be.  As such, we need to overcome the resistance to either do or not do (in the event we are breaking a habit) the action in question.  The common approach is to connect to our goal, but our goal still misses the mark.  We need to connect to “Why” our goal is important to us in the first place.  Without that connection, we are setting ourselves up for failure.  

Sadly, many people form goals without understanding the real motivation behind them.  At the moment, it feels right, but if asked to express their motivation, they might reply with something cliche like, “It’s really important to me”.  This lack of understanding and alignment is the reason why so many quit when the going gets tough.  They simply lack the reason to muster the will to continue.

Go Even Deeper And Get Emotional!

Remember that your “Why” will connect back to your core values?  Consider this, when a particular value is met, we experience an emotion.  When a value is unmet, we experience an emotion.  The emotion and the severity of the emotion is dictated by how well or unwell our values are being met.  The trick here is to identify the value(s) that will not be met in the event you don’t adopt or break the habit in question.  Once identified, you can then look to both extremes of the value being met and unmet.  What emotions are evoked from such extremes?  Of the emotions, which motivates you the most.  Positive or negative makes no difference, what is important is that you can connect to this emotion and at a deep level understand “Why” the action you are taking is important.

And there you have it.  You connect your habit to your goal, through your “Why”, in accordance with your values, with emotion.  Now, I’m not advising you to be emotional at all times and make everything dramatic.  You do not need to attach to these emotions!  However, when resistance arrives,  you can call in their power to overcome it and continue the course.

Find purpose in your actions and fulfillment in their completion.